Finding a Spine

Prompt: Believe Me

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Dear Wednesday,

Where have you been? In isolation? Quarantine? Hospital? Committing treason at the Capitol? It has indeed been a much too eventful 2021, which is why I think we’ll need cut this decade some slack and perhaps start in February?

All the crybabies who resist wearing masks and bully employees who follow company or civic direction are darn tired of this continuous breech of their freakdom. Those pathetic snowflakes think no one suffers as they do from this intrusion into their constitutional right to endanger others. Were you shocked that the thugs and white supremacists who erected a gallows and smeared shit around the Capitol were maskless? Me either.

Americans pride themselves on their system when things go unimaginably wrong. Since so many people were involved in this attempted coup, from the top down, we’ll see if the criminals receive the justice they deserve– we’ll see is the system is indeed the shining idol of supreme and superior justice, or whether rampant racism, lies, and corruption will continue to thrive. What’s your guess as to what will happen? What do you believe?

Me, I believe when the sun is out and the air is fresh, and when we can still call or text or zoom our loved ones whenever we want, we should all thank the lord we are alive. Despite everything.

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Love and peace,

~~FP

Democracy Sent Me

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Love and peace,

~~FP

For the Love of God!

Prompt: Titanic

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Dear Wednesday,

It’s so hot here at the moment that the thought of running into an iceberg is almost appealing, if only for a limitless supply fresh ice in my lemonade*. But no, the Titanic was an avoidable disaster, and like most interesting and intriguing mediations, the themes of hubris and excess were superseded by the presence of the embodiment of hubris and excess, with the added spice of stupidity.

Yes, sorry not sorry, this is the first passage that came into my mind with today’s prompt, an unattributed composition that is meant to be humorous and satiric, but these days, with this man, nothing really is:

If Trump was the Captain of the RMS Titanic

There isn’t any iceberg.

There was an iceberg, but it’s in a totally different ocean.

The iceberg is in this ocean, but it will melt very soon.

There is an iceberg, but we didn’t hit the iceberg.

We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.

The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.

We are taking on water, but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.

Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.

We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors.

Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.

I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats.

We have lifeboats and they’re supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers’ lifeboats.

The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.

Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

See what I mean about this being more depressingly true than funny? Still, I did laugh, since I am a sad clown in a black velvet painting now.

Meanwhile, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons relating to “Titanic” that are not meant to be satire but just… jokes, I think?

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*Not necessarily lemonade.

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Peace, love, and ice in your drinks,

~~FP

Fear Gas

Dear Friday,

Wednesday asked me to write to you, since Wednesday is struggling a bit with some difficult life circumstances but we both feel that cartoons need to rise above our personal challenges.

I think we are all experiencing our own individual psychic breaks during these times— or is it just me?

Funny thing is, where I live it is verdant and peaceful at the moment. Spring is lush and fresh. The people in my community are rational and caring, for the most part, and our government is dealing with this health crisis responsibly and armed with facts. We are safe, my family is safe. We see friends from a cordial distance, and we zoom with family.

But how can anyone not be distressed at witnessing the collapse of a society that was once a beacon of democracy (however flawed), a world leader and influencer, a country full of contradictions that were inspiring and bold and infuriating? I lived in the US for many years, I have an affinity for the place despite its fumbling tolerance of the intolerable. American people are nice.

I understand what prayer is now. Even in a godless world, it is a fervent hope for change. Hope, we are learning, is not quite enough. We need to act.

Without further ado, here are some cartoons that reflect my distress in the only way possible to cope—- with dark humour, but followed by an image of a cute baby animal, just for balance.

 

 

 

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Be kind.

~~FP

The Jury

Dear Wednesday,

Well, the impeachment “trial” is over, conducted without evidence or witnesses, presided over by a corrupt senate. Poor America. The very worst aspect of the spectacle was that the outcome was predetermined; second worst part was the lack of any defence— Trump’s collaborators attacked everything but the evidence. Third was the humiliating position of the Supreme Court Justice who oversaw a massive joke trial without comment or action.

Naturally, this pretty much gives an already smug and remorseless president carte blanche.

And disgraces the Senate.

But I still have faith in the American people, if they can overcome the obstacles in the path of a free and fair election.

Peace and patience,

~~FP

Gather Round

Prompt: Google it

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Oh dear Wednesday,

When you look out a window and see the tops of trees and think only about trees for a moment, it’s hard to be upset with what’s going on in the world. The problem is that we can’t look at trees forever, all the time, and are instead bombarded with news of great injustice, which we attempt to mitigate in our small ways or big ways, but which stress us so much that we need the visions of trees to calm us down again.

Balance, that’s what life is about. So sure, I can hug and scratch Rosie the therapy dog for half and hour, and feel like Anne of Green Gables. Afterward, when I turn on my device or switch on the news I am faced with IT again. For the moment, IT is personified into the image of one person, who is ignorance, malice, greed, and egoism with two arms and two legs, fake hair, and a fake tan.

Please go and gaze at treetops if you can’t take either IT anymore, or criticism of IT’s personification. I won’t rant, or swear, or write graffiti, or stick pins in anything. I’ll just submit for your enjoyment/ dismay/ venting a few of my favourite cartoons and one angry quotation. Warning: Serious cussing ahead.

Donald Trump is also a coward. For all of his tough talk and bluster, the president of the United States is a punk ass bitch. And this has also been apparent for as long as we’ve known who he is. He slipped out of draft duty because of… bone spurs. Bone spurs don’t even get you on the NFL injury report, but he used it to stay the fuck away from actually having to fight. We know his history of bullying and insulting women. And, since he’s been in office, we’ve seen him cower to Kim Jong Un and literally get Deeboed by Vladimir Putin — two men who, for all of their faults, would definitely whoop Trump’s ass.

We’ve had racist presidents before. We’ve had malignant misogynists in office before. But never has our president been such a fucking wimp.

—Damon Young, Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face, in The Root, published August 4, 2018.

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Sincere wishes for peace and love from someone who is actually quite calm and gentle,

~~FP

Honor System

Prompt: Honor

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Hello Wednesday,

It was my parents’ wedding anniversary yesterday. Were they still alive, it would have been their… 700th or so, which is not diamond or paper anniversary but I believe is celebrated by presenting one another with life-viable planets. I mean, it has to be extra-special to stay wed for so long, right?

So they would each have had possession of a planet that could conceivably be a location for, say, space vacations, providing there was a water slide or similar amenity. Either one could also act as a back-up planet for this one, for a reasonable fee. If only all anniversary symbols were so practical.

They would get to name their planets. My mother would probably call hers “Sophie” while my dad would likely go for “Omphaloskepsis” or other cool-sounding, obscure word, since he liked puzzles and dictionaries. He liked dictionaries he could hold in his hand, not Google search screens. At my parents’ home there was a shelf under the living room window stocked with several dictionaries, a three-volume encyclopedia, almanac, Book of World Records, Thesaurus, atlas, and a French-English dictionary (we’re Canadian, what can I say). These books were called Argument Stoppers.

My mother liked words too but preferred the meditative arts to crossword puzzles: she embroidered, knit, crocheted, quilted, baked, canned.. and basically excelled at all the lost arts. Planet Sophie would look nice and have great food.

If my parents were here with me now, in my humble living room, my mother would be doing handwork by the fire and my dad would be working on a cryptic crossword, surrounded by Argument Stoppers, occasionally challenging me with a clue. My mother would also be doling out advice— strangely enough, advice I likely asked for. She was good at advice.

I would be here at my laptop, missing them terribly.

Well now, in honour of honour, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons that honour the prompt’s American spelling, “honor”?

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Peace and love,

~~FP

Comedy of Terrors

Prompt: Comedy of Errors

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Love and peace,

~~FP

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• Image: New Yorker Magazine

And now a request from the audience

Prompt: Brag

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Hi Wednesday,

Here I am, laptop in lap, watching Stephen Colbert on TV, wondering why I am so completely and utterly bored by superhero movies, and why Trump doesn’t seem to understand we notice his extreme vanity; i.e. the long ties to make him look taller and less wide, the poofy yellow comb over, the orange tan with reverse raccoon eyes. And more importantly, that he doesn’t seem to know that those vanity strategies don’t actually work for him: we know he’s fat, bald, old, and pasty. None of that would matter a whit if he was a decent and competent man, of course. But that he tries so very hard to be something he is not, and tries so unsuccessfully… well I can’t help but wonder, as I sit here with my laptop.

I don’t have a lot to brag about. I’m aging, I get grey hair, I would like to be less wide and have an impossibly lustrous mane of hair, a dewy youthful complexion. I just never occurred to me to take bad advice about those things. We all see people who have their personal vanities— usually these are harmless and sometimes even endearing. Many women (and men) succumb to inadvisable surgeries and other augmentations. But how many people do you know who go the the transparent and ineffective lengths that the Donald does? Exactly how insecure is he? And should such obvious shallowness, vanity, and cluelessness have alerted voters?

Yes, me and my laptop wonder.

Meanwhile, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons, the first of which is the only one that relates to today’s prompt, “brag”?

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The real prompt was about not being afraid to recognize and appreciate your good qualities, if not brag about them. Let’s do that!

Peace and love,

~~FP

Still Life with Chocolate Cake

Prompt: Superpower

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Hello Wednesday!

I’ve been busy with Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month), having completely changed the novel almost half-way in— as if the challenge isn’t daunting enough for me as it is. So I’ve neglected Fluffy Poolity and have some catching up to do!

When I haven’t been also neglecting household duties and ignoring friends and being housebound and opening cans of soup for dinner, I’ve been rigorously trying to go Trump-free since his presidency keeps outstripping every low— subterranean—expectation. When he goes low, he then goes lower. I now talk like a millennial: I just can’t…

So it calms me to think of a world where Trump is no longer in my face. I wish the man no harm; just happily dream about his retirement, which is what I love about the following collection of sketches. Hope you enjoy too.

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Peace and love,

~~FP