Have you ever counted the number of places you’ve lived in? I wonder what the average is? I mean houses, in whatever location: would the average be about four? six?
I know I’ve lived in 12 different abodes, including this one, in five cities and one tiny town. I’ve packed more boxes than I can count. Gone house hunting so often that now that I am relatively settled I am a Househunters (TV show) addict, particularly Househunters International. I know it’s completely fake, rigged, and laughably predictable, but it’s still fun to mock the unbelievable clueless house hunters, their sleazy realtors, and the appallingly inappropriate homes.
Househunters is a TV show gasping for a drinking game. So gather your loved ones of drinking age around you, set out the wine and beer, and take a swig anytime one of the following happens on Househunters:
- One wants city, one wants country.
- One wants modern, one wants traditional.
- One is adamant about the budget, one who doesn’t care a whit.
- The music for International is hopelessly clichéd (Oompah soundtrack in Germany, for example).
- In any large city where the couple are shocked their $600 rental budget isn’t enough.
- Someone crawls into the bathtub.
- Someone enters the shower and comments on the height of the shower head.
- Someone criticizes a light fixture in a million dollar home.
- Someone expresses shock that: the toilet is in a separate room from the bathtub.
- Someone expresses shock that the clothes washer is in the kitchen.
- The couple is adamant about an outdoor area for their dog but settle on an apartment.
- A parent frets that a child will fall off a railed landing or balcony.
- A “joke” is made about a closet being large enough for the woman only.
- A “joke” is made about the closet only large enough for the woman’s shoes.
- Someone blathers on about “natural light” when they mean “this room has windows”.
- That frequent Paris realtor talks about “good bones”.
- The buyers complain the oven is too small for a Thanksgiving turkey.
- Someone says “I can see us drinking coffee/sipping wine on this balcony”.
- Someone bemoans lack of privacy instead of remembering curtains can be closed,.
- They insist on a heart-of-the-city apartment then complain about the noise.
- They insist on extra bedrooms for “visitors” who many come once a year for a week.
- They faint from horror at the sight of a popcorn ceiling.
- The shots of the previous location is all snow and ice if the couple is from Canada.
- The realtor tells us that the housing market has has a recent uptick and finding a place will be “challenging”.
- The realtor shows them a pile of rubble and asks them to see the potential.
- The realtor shows a couple with four children a two-bedroom home.
- The after picture looks exactly like the before picture except for a new cushion,
- They pick the worst option by far.
I’m sure there are many more. I’ll make a game, print sheets, and send them out to other fans. Contact me!
Meanwhile may I present a few of my favourite cartoons also related to today’s prompt, “place”?