Good Bones

Prompt: Place

Hello Wednesday,

Have you ever counted the number of places you’ve lived in? I wonder what the average is? I mean houses, in whatever location: would the average be about four? six?

I know I’ve lived in 12 different abodes, including this one, in five cities and one tiny town. I’ve packed more boxes than I can count. Gone house hunting so often that now that I am relatively settled I am a Househunters (TV show) addict, particularly Househunters International. I know it’s completely fake, rigged, and laughably predictable, but it’s still fun to mock the unbelievable clueless house hunters, their sleazy realtors, and the appallingly inappropriate homes.

Househunters is a TV show gasping for a drinking game. So gather your loved ones of drinking age around you, set out the wine and beer, and take a swig anytime one of the following happens on Househunters:

One wants city, one wants country.
One wants modern, one wants traditional.
One is adamant about the budget, one who doesn’t care a whit.
The music for International is hopelessly clichéd (Oompah soundtrack in Germany, for example).
In any large city where the couple are shocked their $600 rental budget isn’t enough.
Someone crawls into the bathtub.
Someone enters the shower and comments on the height of the shower head.
Someone criticizes a light fixture in a million dollar home.
Someone expresses shock that: the toilet is in a separate room from the bathtub.
Someone expresses shock that the clothes washer is in the kitchen.
The couple is adamant about an outdoor area for their dog but settle on an apartment.
A parent frets that a child will fall off a railed landing or balcony.
A “joke” is made about a closet being large enough for the woman only.
A “joke” is made about the closet only large enough for the woman’s shoes.
Someone blathers on about “natural light” when they mean “this room has windows”.
That frequent Paris realtor talks about “good bones”.
The buyers complain the oven is too small for a Thanksgiving turkey.
Someone says “I can see us drinking coffee/sipping wine on this balcony”.
Someone bemoans lack of privacy instead of remembering curtains can be closed,.
They insist on a heart-of-the-city apartment then complain about the noise.
They insist on extra bedrooms for “visitors” who many come once a year for a week.
They faint from horror at the sight of a popcorn ceiling.
The shots of the previous location is all snow and ice if the couple is from Canada.
The realtor tells us that the housing market has has a recent uptick and finding a place will be “challenging”.
The realtor shows them a pile of rubble and asks them to see the potential.
The realtor shows a couple with four children a two-bedroom home.
The after picture looks exactly like the before picture except for a new cushion,
They pick the worst option by far.