It’s so hot here at the moment that the thought of running into an iceberg is almost appealing, if only for a limitless supply fresh ice in my lemonade*. But no, the Titanic was an avoidable disaster, and like most interesting and intriguing mediations, the themes of hubris and excess were superseded by the presence of the embodiment of hubris and excess, with the added spice of stupidity.
Yes, sorry not sorry, this is the first passage that came into my mind with today’s prompt, an unattributed composition that is meant to be humorous and satiric, but these days, with this man, nothing really is:
If Trump was the Captain of the RMS Titanic
There isn’t any iceberg.
There was an iceberg, but it’s in a totally different ocean.
The iceberg is in this ocean, but it will melt very soon.
There is an iceberg, but we didn’t hit the iceberg.
We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.
The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.
We are taking on water, but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.
Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.
We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors.
Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.
I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats.
We have lifeboats and they’re supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers’ lifeboats.
The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.
Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.
See what I mean about this being more depressingly true than funny? Still, I did laugh, since I am a sad clown in a black velvet painting now.
Meanwhile, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons relating to “Titanic” that are not meant to be satire but just… jokes, I think?
*Not necessarily lemonade.
Peace, love, and ice in your drinks,