Peace on Earth and in my News Feed

Dear Wednesday,

It’s amazing how much you can hear when there isn’t a constant, droning, off-key noise in your ear at all times.

I’m not talking about a physical ailment, but about the saturation of news about a now ex-president that rendered everything a little soiled, a little ugly, and a lot crazy. Sadly there are still rabidly loyal soiled, ugly, and crazy supporters still in some governments and media, so I’ve fine-tuned my news feeds and sources to bypass this “news” and lo… spring flowers are sprouting from once infertile land, grey clouds are parting, curtains are being drawn, light and fresh air are flooding spaces previously heavy with toxic gasbags and inexplicable stupidity. Welcome to peace on earth and in my news feed.

These terrible people and problems won’t go away, but neither would they disappear when they spread like an oily stain on my consciousness. All my frustration and anger made not a whit of difference. Now I can make not a whit of difference without the anger, frustration, or oily stains. 

It’s nice. 

Of course, such news did serve to distract from issues closer to home, but home issues need to be heard and addressed, and locally those dealing with complicated problems are doing so with varying degrees of competence, empathy, good will, selflessness, and conscience. There is no smothering evilness or soul-crushing stupidity.

Very pleasant.

Apropos of nothing except that it is a glorious Wednesday, may I now present a few of my favourite cartoons?

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Peace!

~FP

Pinch and a Burn

Dear Wednesday,

COVID-19 is bittersweet.

How so? you ask. Well, my brother and brother-in-law were here visiting from out of town for a few days, and while we share a kind of safety bubble (even long-distance) there is still no touching or close contact. I thought I was used to it.

Two out-of-town bubble groups visited for extended weekends this summer, and we all abided by rigid rules– only two people in the house at a time, social distancing, all meals and gatherings outside, constant wiping and clean-up and all that jazz– and we chuckled at the “distance hugs” and air kisses from afar.

I don’t feel so chuckley now. I miss greeting my family with a hug, comforting them with a hug, reassuring them with a hug, and all the greeting, comforting and reassuring afforded to me in return. At this stage I would welcome gearing up in a hazmat suit and giving my sister or brothers (similarly suited) a great big bear hug.

That is the bitter part.

The sweet comes from my newly nourished appreciation for those I love, and how important those routine gestures of love are. We have to convey verbally and by eye to eye contact that we care instead of relying on an extra squeeze at the end of a hug or that warm touch on the shoulder.

As an aside, if you are missing the touch of a living being, adopt a dog in need. Our puppy has been a godsend, and doesn’t seem to mind the 20 or so hugs she receives daily.

Not related to hugs or hazmat suits is todays prompt, “puncture”– and the following cartoons are only tangentially connected, if at all. Allow me to present them anyway:

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Love and peace!

~~FP

Sleeping Beauty

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Prompt: Briar

Hello Wednesday!

When I was a kid, fairy tales elicited the kind of reaction that they must have done hundreds of years ago: fear and awe. We had books and books of fairy tales, telling of children lost in the woods, evil wart women, betrayals and punishments, violence, trickery and lies. Disney could not completely muffle the dark underside of these stories, and so I found many of the tales disturbing enough to require a night light.

What did I think a night light accomplished, I wonder? Prevent an evil witch from entering the room? Repel impossible creatures, like dragons and malicious plants? Keep not just the strange little men from entering, but also the handsome prince, whom I did not know and didn’t want to be kissed by?

A favourite though was the tale of a young girl (a princess, I think) whose six brothers are cursed by their evil stepmother and transformed into swans. She can only break the curse by weaving each of them a shirt made of nettles, and she toils away in some anxiety because the shirts must be made within a certain time– and she doesn’t quite finish the task before the deadline. So while five of her brothers are rescued, one has a swan’s wing in place of the arm she was unable to sew in time. …So exciting! I wonder if I craved to be a heroine in the eyes of my two brothers? Anyway Disney hasn’t ruined this one for me, yet.

In the spirit of fairy tales, briars, prickles, and thorns, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons?

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Sweet dreams and smooth sailings!

Love,

~FP

For the Love of God!

Prompt: Titanic

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Dear Wednesday,

It’s so hot here at the moment that the thought of running into an iceberg is almost appealing, if only for a limitless supply fresh ice in my lemonade*. But no, the Titanic was an avoidable disaster, and like most interesting and intriguing mediations, the themes of hubris and excess were superseded by the presence of the embodiment of hubris and excess, with the added spice of stupidity.

Yes, sorry not sorry, this is the first passage that came into my mind with today’s prompt, an unattributed composition that is meant to be humorous and satiric, but these days, with this man, nothing really is:

If Trump was the Captain of the RMS Titanic

There isn’t any iceberg.

There was an iceberg, but it’s in a totally different ocean.

The iceberg is in this ocean, but it will melt very soon.

There is an iceberg, but we didn’t hit the iceberg.

We hit the iceberg, but the damage will be repaired very shortly.

The iceberg is a Chinese iceberg.

We are taking on water, but every passenger who wants a lifeboat can get a lifeboat, and they are beautiful lifeboats.

Look, passengers need to ask nicely for the lifeboats if they want them.

We don’t have any lifeboats, we’re not lifeboat distributors.

Passengers should have planned for icebergs and brought their own lifeboats.

I really don’t think we need that many lifeboats.

We have lifeboats and they’re supposed to be our lifeboats, not the passengers’ lifeboats.

The lifeboats were left on shore by the last captain of this ship.

Nobody could have foreseen the iceberg.

See what I mean about this being more depressingly true than funny? Still, I did laugh, since I am a sad clown in a black velvet painting now.

Meanwhile, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons relating to “Titanic” that are not meant to be satire but just… jokes, I think?

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*Not necessarily lemonade.

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Peace, love, and ice in your drinks,

~~FP

Disappointment

Prompt: Disappointing

Hello Wednesday,

Disappointment. Wouldn’t you love to go back to the days when disappointment was a terrible, even heartbreaking feeling, instead of living at a time when rage, frustration, cynicism, and fear are the dominant emotions? I should be disappointed in myself for writing such a depressing sentence, but no, I’m angry and frustrated. Grrr on me.

But look at that Trump campaign van pictured above. Full of rage and stupidity, with “Make Liberals Cry” the policy statement. I suspect the van was so embarrassed it blew out its own tire. Which disappointed the team inside, who no doubt had lots of creative and colourful ways to demonstrate their ability to make liberals cry. I’m kind of disappointed that I don’t get to hear their exact message. I need a laugh today.

Why? I guess we all need a laugh. We all need to flip this dark coin over and relish the light side again: love, hope, respect, humour, and energy. Let’s yank ourselves out of this black and white movie and shift into technicolor. Let’s listen to birdsong, breathe fresh air deeply, feel the potent silence of a dark night, rejoice in small pleasures so we have all the practice we need to rejoice in the big ones. The big pleasures, the changes, are coming, I promise.

Meanwhile, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons relating to today’s theme?

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Love and hope,

~~FP

Good Bones

Prompt: Place

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Hello Wednesday,

Have you ever counted the number of places you’ve lived in? I wonder what the average is? I mean houses, in whatever location: would the average be about four? six?

I know I’ve lived in 12 different abodes, including this one, in five cities and one tiny town. I’ve packed more boxes than I can count. Gone house hunting so often that now that I am relatively settled I am a Househunters (TV show) addict, particularly Househunters International. I know it’s completely fake, rigged, and laughably predictable, but it’s still fun to mock the unbelievable clueless house hunters, their sleazy realtors, and the appallingly inappropriate homes.

Househunters is a TV show gasping for a drinking game. So gather your loved ones of drinking age around you, set out the wine and beer, and take a swig anytime one of the following happens on Househunters:

• One wants city, one wants country.
• One wants modern, one wants traditional.
• One is adamant about the budget, one who doesn’t care a whit.
• The music for International is hopelessly clichéd (Oompah soundtrack in Germany, for example).
• In any large city where the couple are shocked their $600 rental budget isn’t enough.
• Someone crawls into the bathtub.
• Someone enters the shower and comments on the height of the shower head.
• Someone criticizes a light fixture in a million dollar home.
• Someone expresses shock that: the toilet is in a separate room from the bathtub.
• Someone expresses shock that the clothes washer is in the kitchen.
• The couple is adamant about an outdoor area for their dog but settle on an apartment.
• A parent frets that a child will fall off a railed landing or balcony.
• A “joke” is made about a closet being large enough for the woman only.
• A “joke” is made about the closet only large enough for the woman’s shoes.
• Someone blathers on about “natural light” when they mean “this room has windows”.
• That frequent Paris realtor talks about “good bones”.
• The buyers complain the oven is too small for a Thanksgiving turkey.
• Someone says “I can see us drinking coffee/sipping wine on this balcony”.
• Someone bemoans lack of privacy instead of remembering curtains can be closed,.
• They insist on a heart-of-the-city apartment then complain about the noise.
• They insist on extra bedrooms for “visitors” who many come once a year for a week.
• They faint from horror at the sight of a popcorn ceiling.
• The shots of the previous location is all snow and ice if the couple is from Canada.
• The realtor tells us that the housing market has has a recent uptick and finding a place will be “challenging”.
• The realtor shows them a pile of rubble and asks them to see the potential.
• The realtor shows a couple with four children a two-bedroom home.
• The after picture looks exactly like the before picture except for a new cushion,
• They pick the worst option by far.

I’m sure there are many more. I’ll make a game, print sheets, and send them out to other fans. Contact me!

Meanwhile may I present a few of my favourite cartoons also related to today’s prompt, “place”?

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Stay safe!

~~FP

 

They Know Me

Prompt: Purpose

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Dear Wednesday,

There are some things that should not be controversial.

Don’t wash whites with colours. Don’t leave a dog in a hot car. Clean water is a right. Wear a mask when you cannot keep a safe distance during a deadly pandemic.

Yet for certain segments of the population, especially in a once-great nation, a basic safety precaution recommended in certain circumstances by every reputable doctor and expert has become a political issue, a freedom football.

The virus is spread in the air, via droplets in our breath. Many people who have the virus are asymptomatic. So to protect others, a non-medical mask is sometimes necessary. It’s part of living and surviving in a community.

So when people of astonishing ignorance and gullibility shout (don’t shout, it spreads germs) that wearing a mask is a freedom issue, then the rest of the world, the sane ones, react with incredulity, revulsion, and anger. Does astonishing selfishness and shortsightedness always accompany ignorance and gullibility? It’s as if they think that they are the only ones tired of this pandemic; of not being able to see loved ones, having our movements limited, losing jobs and livelihoods, feeling exhausted and lonely.

I mean we have other issues to concern ourselves with. Bigoted, racist heads of state, lawmakers, and peacekeepers. Karens and Donalds and Vladimirs. But masks? Little bits of paper or cloth that we wear over our mouth and nose to protect the most vulnerable in our society—temporarily, until this crisis is over? Should not be given a second thought. Not controversial.

We know people of astonishing ignorance have existed among us, and should not be surprised, in this climate of ignorant populism, that they feel confident enough to shout out their nonsenses. But I am surprised. And angry, that they truly can’t seem to comprehend that their “freedom” does not include the right to endanger other lives.

Related to none of the above is the following small collection of some of my favourite cartoons. Enjoy!

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Peace and love,

~~FP

Astonish Me

Prompt: Flick

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She entered the darkened room silently, the glow of her cigarette acting as the dimmest of lamps, and saw the silhouette of a large cat crouched in front of a window draped with a thin lace curtain. She could smell embers from a now-dead dead fireplace. 

She sensed the movement to her right before she saw it, and spun on her heel, kicking hard in a fluid, violent movement — it was Nick, one moment licking his lips in triumph at tracking her down again, now reeling backward, turning, and hitting his head on the brick mantle. The cat was quick to pounce, bloodthirsty, to lick the crimson liquid pouring from his forehead like thick cream into a bowl. She could suddenly hear the tick of a clock and smell the burnt waxiness of the extinguished wick of a candle and felt a prick of fear scud along her spine.

She flicked the ash of her cigarette as the cat leapt back onto the windowsill. She felt sick, knowing Nick would survive to tell Vic about the trick she’d played, He’d once called her a hick, a foolhardy chick— now he lay ominously still at her feet. She had no choice: She pulled the Colt from her belt and heard the click as the gun was cocked. 

The cat, in silhouette, silent and angry, flicked its tail in the moonlight. 

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Now that I have fulfilled my writing prompt responsibilities, in this case trying to incorporate as many ‘flick’ rhymes as I could into a rather thin story—which was the only idea that came to mind with this word prompt— may I now present a few of my favourite cartoons relating to the hero of our story, the cat, and her favourite prey?

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Peace and love,

~~FP

Endangered Species

Please please may I have my own bumblebee bat?
Who would perch like an angel on the rim of my hat,
And flutter and fly and scare my dog, Nat,
That I’d cuddle and spoil and pet like a cat,
And save from his vanishing Thai habitat,
Cause endangered he’d love my cramped little flat,
Where I’d feed him cold mozzies and warm butterfat,
…or should I just get a turtle and leave it at that?

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Bumblebee Bat

Not Guilty

Prompt: Humans

Hello Wednesday, a little late.

To be honest, I completely forgot about my Wednesday post, since I had a very unharmonious day with our new puppy, Holly, who picked February 26 to be the worst puppy she could be, and I have the damaged clothes and broken skin and frazzled nerves to prove it. In addition, she forgot everything she ever learned about housetraining. It is a day that will live in infamy. Next February 26 I will book myself into a spa with a sensory deprivation tank and try to forget. It will be an annual event, and wine will be involved.

On Thursday, Holly was gentle as a lamb. We took her out to socialize and she met lots of other dogs and people and did very well. I talked to a professional trainer who assured me that housetraining and biting regression are common and that, after all, puppy is still just a baby at 12 weeks. Puppies are like human babies, she added, and get hyper and bratty when they are tired. She then taught puppy, in less than a minute, to come to her hand. We learned how to stop her jumping up on others, if not on us, from a woman in the parking lot. Holly and I had cuddles in the car on the way out and on the way back.

A few minutes ago, she ravaged my back and legs, unprovoked, with her needle teeth and razor claws, while pulling on my jeans and top and possibly ripping them. I haven’t looked. I can only think of spa day, 2021.

The prompt today is “human” and I keep reminding myself that I am an adult human, the most advanced species on earth, and Holly is a little baby dog who has never seen a toothbrush and who was literally bred over the millennia to be my best friend. I just checked on her and she is crashed out in the front hallway, snoring. I simply adore her when she is asleep.

Relating to today’s prompt and just a little to today’s tribulations, may I present a few of my favourite cartoons?

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Peace, love, and cuddles,

~~FP