Liquefy

Prompt: Clumsy

chef-in-restaurant

Susan Spencer felt like her body, tied up in tight knots, was on fire on the outside and filled with ice on the inside. She sweated and simultaneously had chills, ached so intensely that she actually took pain medication (she avoided all meds, as a personal rule), and the thought of food made her stomach spasm in revulsion.

So when her husband Hugo brought in a doggie bag full of mushroom fettuccine, she gagged audibly and reached for the basin by the side of the bed.

“Not really a good idea, mate,” said Lev, who was visiting Susan, as he nodded at the offending white paper bag.

“Right,” said Hugo, and disappeared from the bedroom.

“So,” said Lev, as Susan wiped her face and hands with a damp cloth, and laid back heavily on the pillows. “How ya feeling?”

Roger “Lev” Levinson was Susan’s partner, both of them with the police force. They’d been a team for almost four years and had pretty much seen the best and worst of one another, so Susan puking into a basin wasn’t exactly a shocker.

“I’m great,” said Susan. “Thanks for coming by, Lev. Fuck off.” The scent of cooked mushrooms dissipated as a ceiling fan rotated slowly overhead, but the room still felt warm and stuffy.

“You interviewed that Leep character, the strange one, the one they call Leep the creep, about the shooting,” said Lev.

“Yeah, he didn’t have much to say, Lev.”

“He is the only eye-witness we have.”

“He just said the guy was big and scary, that’s all,” Susan said. “I don’t even know if I believe him. He seemed to be lying, maybe to get attention. Go talk to him again if you want, you have my blessing.”

“I might,” said Lev. “Anyway how long does the doctor think you can skive off? Gonna squeeze out another few days? A week?”

“At the moment I think I’ll probably be dead by tomorrow,” Susan said. “No kidding, Lev. This fucking sucks.”

“Tell Hugo not to bring shit back from the restaurant.”

“Oh, I will.”

“I thought maybe you might get hungry eventually,” said Hugo, appearing at the bedroom door. “Just trying to help.” He went to the bed and kissed Susan on the forehead. “I’m between lunch and dinner prep. Have to get back in a minute. Do you need anything?”

“Thanks babe, I’m ok. Lev can get me some water. I missed you last night. How did the shift go?”

“Actually,” said Hugo, “someone died, right at the dining table. Everyone was pretty upset.”

“Died? Who?”

“A woman, don’t know much about it yet, I was in the back. The staff got her into the lobby; then the ambulance came.”

“Suspicious?” asked Lev.

“Don’t know, aren’t they all? Never happened in my restaurant before.”

“What’s the name of the restaurant again?” asked Lev.

“‘Liquefy’.” said Hugo. “I inherited the name. The food is not all processed to slime. It’s fine dining, man.”

“Please don’t talk about slime,” said Susan. “Get back to work, both of you. I am tired and miserable and want to curl up and die now.”

“Ok,” said Lev cheerfully. “I’ll just get the water, see you Hugo.”

“Ciao,” said Hugo. “Don’t think about slime or dead bodies in the restaurant, my love. You just concentrate on getting better.”

“I’ll kill you as soon as I’m strong enough,” said Susan.

“Love you.”

“Me too.”


“A Witty Saying Proves Nothing”

Prompt: Stump

 

don-quixote

What do

  • Henry Kissinger
  • Ghandi
  • Don Quixote
  • The Duchess of Windsor
  • Donald Trump
  • Frank Zappa
  • Saint Augustine
  • Margaret Mead
  • Gore Vidal
  • Adolph Hitler
  • Voltaire
  • Mae West
  • Richard Nixon and
  • A bumper sticker

have in common?

They are all quotable! And today your challenge is to determine which of the above personalities (or bumper sticker) said the following. Good luck!

  1. The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it’s their fault.
  2. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
  3. Facts are the enemy of truth.
  4. The secret of a happy life: Fill what’s empty, empty what’s full, and scratch where it itches.
  5. Good people don’t go into government.
  6. There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
  7. Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
  8. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.
  9. A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
  10. Demoralize the enemy from within by surprise, terror, sabotage, assassination. This is the war of the future.
  11. A witty saying proves nothing.
  12. Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
  13. I would have made a good Pope.
  14. Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

 


UPDATE: Sorry, the answer page is not working. Please try this instead:

To find out the answers move your cursor (highlight) over the following:

The quotes are in the same order as the listing of names. 

  1. Henry Kissinger
  2. Ghandi
  3. Don Quixote
  4. The Duchess of Windsor
  5. Donald Trump
  6. Frank Zappa
  7. Saint Augustine
  8. Margaret Mead
  9. Gore Vidal
  10. Adolph Hitler
  11. Voltaire
  12. Mae West
  13. Richard Nixon and
  14. A bumper sticker

Or, the names and numbers are in the same order.

Quiz: Only a Little Depressing, with a Kitten

Prompt: Underestimate

1908Cubs3

QUIZ:  Why are these understatements?

1. “I wouldn’t drink that water if I were you; it’s not very clean.”

2. It’s been awhile since the Chicago Cubs won a World Series.

3. Domestic violence is a problem.

4. Why people put tarragon in their food is a mystery.

5. Canada seems to have turned its back on its First Nation population.

6. Political campaign financing should probably be monitored, limited, and transparent.

7. Donald Trump is ___________________.

8. Puppies are cute.

9. Kittens are cute.

10. Bunny rabbits are cute.

 


Answers:

1. Lead in water causes brain damage in children. What Went Wrong in Flint.

2. The Chicago Cubs last won Major League Baseball’s World Series in 1908, the longest drought of any MLB team, ever.

3. In the U.S. one woman is beaten by her husband or partner every 15 seconds.

4. Tarragon is disgusting and horrible.

5. First Nations Suicide Crisis, Highway of Tears.

6. How much money is behind each campaign in the U.S. Presidential race so far? [Spoiler: more than US$1.2 billion]

7. Whatever anyone ever says about a bloviating misogyinist racist is always an understatement.

8. dog_puppy_box_75966_

9. cute-kitten-face-wallpaper

10. little-white-rabbit-isolated-on-white-background