There once was a pupil named Jane
Who lacked an intelligent brain
She got some uranium
To rub on her cranium
And she never felt stupid again.
- Original prompt: Learning Style, January 17, 2016.
There once was a doxie named Moxie
Who lived in a town called Biloxi.
He liked to play Yahtzee
While hearing Tchaikovsky
Then read a nice pamphlet by Trotsky.
There was a young doxie named Moxie,
Whose foxy young bitch was called Roxie.
He gave her a necklace,
She threw it in his face—
“I want diamonds, I don’t want Swarovski!”
In Case You Missed It:
February 14, 2016
My love is like a red, red rose
With velvet skin and thorny toes.
…Now that’s not true, his feet are heaven,
Soft, with toes of three and seven.
That’s ‘ten’ in case you cannot add,
That’s just how many toes he had.
And still does have, I’m trying to rhyme,
It’s tricky as I’m short of time.
But still, my love has silken eyes,
Whate’er that means, and when he sighs,
My heart leaps up—but that’s not so
‘Cause that can mean he’s doesn’t know
What’s in my head, and that frustrating
And not a state worth celebrating.
But when he sighs for love of me,
Then my heart plays a symphony.
My lord, this poem has gone astray,
But I’m not done, please let me say:
His hair is mostly there, and grey,
And when he laughs, I want to pray
And thank the gods for his accent
Which is of Lancashire descent.
For when I want to smash his face,
He’ll drop an H, and we’ll embrace.
My love is like a red, red rose
With velvet skin, and thorny toes.
Oh my god it’s hard to cope
With a stupid lug who likes to grope
No point in calling him a dope
It only makes him scowl and mope
So I got my phone to text the Pope
Who told the lug, “Nope, nope, nope
“Don’t grope, or mope, or call the Pope
“Go back to your casinos, asshole.”
I couldn’t find a credit for this gem of a take on the classic “Night Before Christmas” poem, but I love the life and spirit of it.
Tejano Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the casa,
Not a creature was stirring — Caramba! Que pasa?
Los ninos were tucked away in their camas,
Some in camisas and some in pijamas,
While hanging the stockings with mucho cuidado
In hopes that old Santa would feel obligado
To bring all children, both buenos and malos,
A nice batch of dulces and other regalos.
Outside in the yard there arose such a grito
That I jumped to my feet like a frightened cabrito.
I ran to the window and looked out afuera,
And who in the world do you think quien era?
Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero
Came dashing along like a crazy bombero.
And pulling his sleigh instead of venados
Were eight little burros approaching volados.
I watched as they came and this quaint little hombre
Was shouting and whistling and calling by nombre
“Ay Pancho, ay Pepe, ay Chucho, ay Beto,
Ay Chato, ay Chopo, Macuco, y Nieto!”
Then standing erect with his hands on his pecho
He flew to the top of our very own techo.
With his round little belly like a bowl of jalea,
He struggled to squeeze down our old chiminea,
Then huffing and puffing at last in our sala,
With soot smeared all over his red suit de gala,
He filled all the stockings with lovely regalos–
For none of the ninos had been very malos.
Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento,
He turned like a flash and was gone like the viento.
And I heard him exclaim, and this is verdad,
Merry Christmas to all, and Feliz Navidad!
Day 5 of NaNoWriMo brings both hyperbole and humility.
So true… unless that child is Donald Trump.
Humility, empathy, charity, tolerance, and respect are important for children to understand, too.
Vote if you can, pray if you can’t!
In case you can’t view the image:
What am I?
I’m bigger than the entire earth
More powerful than the sea
Though a million, billion have tried
No one could ever stop me.
I control each person with my hand
And hold up fleets of ships.
I can make them bend to my will
With one word from my lips.
I am the greatest power in the world
In this entire nation.
No one should ever try to stop
A child’s imagination.
He is as fragile
As a baby untended.
He watches my eyes.
The above is an attempt at haiku and is similar to the real style of haiku poetry only by virtue of its structure, which in English consists of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, and 5 syllables. Haiku is meant to be original and evocative, or to capture a moment in time in a uniquely simple way, and actually not to present a simile. Haiku form is easy to learn (as they say about every game app ever) but hard to master.
The haiku above was inspired, for better or worse, by my black dog, who was staring at me this morning as I brushed my teeth. I was touched by his tentative yet steady gaze and the way we both unthinkingly acknowledged my absolute power over him. The powerless are vulnerable and it was a strangely sad moment.
I also came across this unconventional haiku while googling around for information:
A wise man once asked,
“Why, pray tell, is the sand wet?”
…Because the sea weed