I’m shocked to discover it has been over a month since I last posted— the month of December, 2018 does not exist for Fluffy Pool. That was an alarming discovery. If Christmas memories weren’t so vivid, and I wasn’t sitting here inhaling spruce fumes from the most aromatic Christmas tree ever, then I might start to wonder if December ever really existed— or if I existed in December. It’s a little like taking down a favourite photo album of a memorable wedding or holiday, and finding it full of blank pages.
I was not well in the month of December, 2018. I had some disturbing health issues that seemed to throw me into a spiral of depression. Or was it the other way around? In any case, it was a difficult time; and a difficult time to be ill, as there were significant plans made and special people to entertain. There are lots of metaphors for the feelings of depression, sadness, chronic pain: clouds, fog, darkness, quicksand. For me it was something like being blindfolded— think Sandra Bullock in Bird Box*— completely disoriented and lost, but the alternative was somehow, irrationally, more frightening.
On the advice of a friend I am trying now to bring some kind of structure to my life in 2019. I’ve been working on my book— it will be a compilation of many of the stories and characters I’ve introduced here**— and the organizing, filtering, editing, discovery, and new writing so far have been challenging and illuminating. I’m trying to be more active despite, for example, this morning’s layer of ice on the sidewalks and roads. I am moving away from destructive habits. I have plans to reconnect with old, true friends, rekindle old passions, learn new things, be open to new adventures.
I won’t say more, as it sounds a bit like the dreaded New Year’s resolutions which are traditionally doomed to fail. But wearing blindfolds is debilitating, even dangerous— and I need to learn to embrace light and truth instead of fearing them.
“Fear” is the prompt for this Wednesday, so may I present a few of my favourite cartoons related to that theme?
And this one is probably too close to truth to be satire!:
Please stay tuned!
Wishing you a year free from fog, darkness, quicksand, blindfolds, and scary tea.
- *Bird Box is the much-watched horror-style movie currently on Netflix, a service which I will shortly be cancelling since they suddenly decided to raise the monthly fee by 40%. Grrr.
- **I will be looking for beta readers for the book, so if you are interested please contact me here.