Agony Ant: Upside Down

Prompt: Cake

delicious cake

Dear Agony Ant,

I am what you would call a nice guy. I am pretty clean, grew up in a normal family, and am in college now studying to be an engineer, which is not easy and I have to apply myself and avoid all the parties, and I had girlfriends in high school.

What’s with women today? I get feminism, but hasn’t it gone too far? It is really hard finding a decent girl to date and all that, without them demanding this and that and a future, or just wanting sex for one night when I might have feelings for them. It just seems all upside down.

I had this girlfriend and she was beautiful and sexy, but she was always complaining about things like, not feeling safe walking home alone at night in the dark, or pissed off about the short skirt — cat call correlation, or being paranoid about someone slipping something in her drink (or one of her friends, or anyone really).

I get that it is different for women. But I want to say: Don’t walk alone late at night. It’s obvious. Don’t complain, just stop doing it. Walk with someone who can protect you, or walk in the day. Don’t wear the short skirts when you might be insulted— ok she should be able to wear what she wants, but let’s be realistic. It is not a perfect world. And maybe don’t drink so much at parties or in bars— that’s good advice for everyone, right?

Dating was cool in high school. Girls were cool. Now they complain about stuff that they could fix with very little effort. I want fun and casual, don’t girls anymore?

I’m not going to cat call someone on the street (though I did just once, when a bit drunk with some friends, sorry about that), or drug a chick’s drink, or rape someone. So why do I get the grief?

What do women want? Or, how can I work around the unreasonable demands of some girls?

—Sensitive Normal Guy

Dear Marie,

I am sympathetic to your plight. The world has changed, consciousness has changed, women have the vote, and all kind of other confusing stuff. It is easier if things don’t change.

Try learning what the word “empathy” means. Put yourself in your ex-girlfriend’s shoes. Don’t you want to feel safe no matter where you are or what you wear? So does she.

You want relationships to be clear, without too much ambiguity? So does she. You don’t always get to dictate what a relationship is, whether it it sexual, casual, both, serious, or committed. It is now considered normal and sensitive to also consider what your girlfriend or boyfriend wants from a relationship.

Upside down is good, if rightside up is fucked up.

Peace and love,
agony ant

Dear Agony Ant,

Why did you call me “Marie”?

—Sensitive Normal Guy

Dear SNG,

I called you Marie because you seemed so oblivious to the real life experiences of people other than yourself.

“Let them eat cake” was the apocryphal comment attributed to Marie Antoinette, about the poor who complained about having no bread.

She had no idea what they faced. And you, Sensitive Normal Guy, have no idea what young women face.

Stop telling them to eat cake.

Peace and love,
agony ant