Or, ( my own addition):
What if I was a Man Instead of a Woman?
I would have a manly name, like George. I would use my Uncle Peter as a model; he was the kind of man who noticed the wallflower in the room and made her feel special. He would listen with such intense interest to what you said that most people considered him a great friend. He remembered your face, name, and conversation when you next met, even weeks later.
I would be kind to people weaker that I am, and to all the people who are, for some reason, in awe of men, including rotten selfish teenagers and very shy women. I was shy as a teenager. I will be the guy that finally notices someone like me, and finds me fascinating. Where was me, back then, dammit? I would be the kind of man who tells a hopeless, pimply teenage boy that life gets better and women aren’t aliens, but pretty nice friends and allies to have.
I would have the career I want, without hesitation, since nothing holds me back. Quite the opposite, people have high expectations of me. I would feel, I’m sure, some pressure to live up to those expectations. Consider: it is better to be the object of high expectations than of low, which manifest themselves in lack of encouragement, and surprise or dismissal at success. No one means to throw obstacles in a woman’s path, I don’t think, not any more, but I suspect they are still there, lurking like a mugger.
I would fight for women’s rights!
I would cut my hair short.
I would learn how to build a barn.
I would take long walks at night.
I would go on adventure travel vacations, where you are in the wilds for days on end without access to toilets, showers, or Midol. In fact, I might take my medical degree and go and work in the field, in Africa or South America.
It feels odd to say that I would marry, but if I was a straight man I would wed a fine woman and have many offspring, and be the patriarch of a grand… wait– I am sounding a bit like an assholey man.
I see it is difficult to be a good man. Well done, all of you who are good men!