Your Secret Critic

Prompt: Shape Up or Ship Out
Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.


Dear Personality Vortex,

Quit striving for perfection. You don’t need goals and ambitions, nor do you need ideals and visions. Just toddle along and tend to your daily cravings. Indulge yourself. Be the person you used to look upon with contempt, for they are happily ignorant, while you clutter your mind with ideas.

Stop being so nice. There is no need to be polite, thoughtful, or charitable, unless you are looking for something in return. Otherwise, slam doors in people’s faces, ignore them when they are speaking to you, disregard the poor and unfortunate, kick things, and generally be nasty, since it is always better for you to vent your frustrations out on others than to try and better yourself.

Get rid of that tendency to be open-minded. If you don’t like something, trust your gut instead of considering the facts. Don’t listen to others, except with disgust, or seek out truth, or be at all empathetic, because those things will only interfere with your biases and prejudices, which should be your guide in life, not reality, reason, or logic.

That about covers it, bitch.

Your Secret Critic


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