Grandma Goes to College

Prompt: A Bird, a Plane, You!
You get to choose one superpower. Pick one of these, and explain your choice:
-the ability to speak and understand any language
-the ability to travel through time
-the ability to make any two people agree with each other

elaine at the nail salon

Thanks to the Daily Prompts I’ve had a boatload of super and magical powers over the last couple of months. So much so that I’m kind of bored with the idea of time travel. Except I might travel back to last night at dinner, when I served up a delicious prime rib roast, perfectly medium rare.

I wouldn’t want to change a moment in time, like killing Hitler, because who knows what that might affect? I wouldn’t mind going back and somehow sending my grandmother to college when her family forbade it, but then she might not have met my grandfather and birthed my mother, and where does that leave me? Perhaps I shouldn’t be so selfish. I really want my grandmother to have that education. Would I suddenly poof and reappear as the daughter of completely different parents? What if my grandmother decided never to marry? Would I be a tortoise? Are people reborn as reptiles and amphibians?

What two people would I want to agree? Back to Hitler again, do I want him and Neville Chamberlain to agree? Well, they did, and look how that turned out. Maybe have my friends Mike and Margaret agree, instead of divorcing twice. But they weren’t happy together, so what does that accomplish? Agreement means compromise, and some things—especially worthwhile things— can’t always be compromised. I won’t compromise with Mike, who likes his beef well done, and have a medium prime rib. Nope. And he wouldn’t like it either.

So if I have to pick yet another super power, let it be languages. Thank you, now I can watch international news. I can travel anywhere and not have a dumb fuck look on my face when I try to buy a bottle of aspirin. I can become a translator to the mighty, and lie slightly in translating so that everything always turns out peachy. Remember the Seinfeld episode where Elaine was afraid the Korean manicurists were making fun her? (They were.) I was actually in a nail salon in Houston where I would have murdered Mike’s ex, Margaret, if I could have understood the conversation.

In conclusion:

우리는 기다리는 공주를 유지 하지 않아야합니다

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