Like Butter

Prompt: Keeping up with the Jones’
Tell us about the one luxury item you wish you could afford, in as much detail as you can.

gulfstream color

I know that private jets are expensive. They define the old saying, if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Leafing through the jet classifieds, looking for a near-new aircraft (I’m sure they devalue as soon as the leave the lot, like cars), very clean, not too big but capable of ocean-hopping, and soothingly neutral inside, I’ve come up with a fine option.

The Gulfstream G650 ER.

Now the Gulfstream line happens to be the favourite of professional golfers, and I mean, holy shit, who know pro golfers earned billions? I knew they were comfy because I think someone once emailed me a powerpoint presentation of Tiger Woods’ alleged house. All very posh and plush. But jets are pricey, and then you have the costs of renovating, crew, fuel, maintenance, and so on. So here’s a tip for those who long for luxury items: become a professional golfer.

The interior of the Gulfstream G650 that I have my eye on is not overly large, so I couldn’t, say, fly wedding guests to Barcelona, but I could probably manage a small wedding party. It has a 42” monitor and a blu-ray DVD system, satellite TV and a wireless LAN; two bathrooms, though I believe only one of them has shower facilities, and a spotless forward galley with an oven as well as a microwave. The sleeping area looks cosy, but as in all advertising, “cosy” actually means “small”. But it is a bed, and a soft and fluffy bed, that you (and a companion) could stretch out on. The current wide and luxurious seats are covered in a buttery beige leather, which suits me; however I might change the woodgrain of the tables and trimmings— you know, make my mark on it.

Flowers. The pictures show lots of vases of flowers. Do they come with the leather upholstery? I think not, but as another old saying goes, In for a penny, in for a pound.

I’m in.